High Functioning Isn’t the Same as Mentally Healthy: What High Achievers Need to Know
You’re doing it all—but at what cost? Discover why success doesn’t have to come with exhaustion and how to start thriving, not just functioning.
“True fitness isn’t just physical—it's training your mind to be as resilient, focused, and unstoppable as your body. At Mentally Fit With Ellin, we build strength from the inside out.” — Ellin Gurvitch, LMHC
When High-Functioning Becomes Self-Abandonment
You’re the one everyone counts on—but inside, you’re falling apart.
You’re the go-to at work. Calm under pressure. Always “on” at meetings and events. You smile, perform, and hold it together like it’s second nature.
But sometimes, it doesn’t feel natural at all.
You’re masking how it really is.
And when you get home?
The smallest things set you off. You snap at your partner over something trivial. You get irrationally upset when you spill your coffee. A rainy day and soaked pants? It ruins your mood. One text sends you into a spiral. You compare, complain, and crave a break.
So, you retreat. You stop replying. You avoid. You pull away—from the moment and, sometimes, from the people who mean the most to you.
You feel guilty for feeling this way, but facing it feels harder than hiding.
Because on paper? You’re fine. Thriving. A high performer.
But that’s not thriving. That’s surviving in disguise.
What My Burnout Taught Me
Before I launched Mentally Fit with Ellin, I worked at a group practice that, on the outside, seemed like a dream.
Beautiful private office. Full caseload. Strong client retention. I was proud of my work and energized by the impact I was making.
But then things shifted.
Management changed. New policies rolled in. Suddenly, the way I was told to support my clients felt restrictive. I was disconnected from the therapist I knew myself to be.
Still, I pushed through. That’s what high performers do, right? We adapt. We endure. We don’t quit just because it’s hard.
Coworkers noticed. I was distant. Avoidant. Rushing in and out.
The stress showed up in my body. I lost weight. I couldn’t sleep. My anxiety spiked.
But performance-wise? I was still “crushing it.”
That’s the trap.
You get praised for being high-functioning, even when you’re not well.
And you start to believe the pain is just part of the process. That enduring it is strength.
But let’s be clear: There’s a difference between a muscle-building burn and an injury you’re ignoring.
One builds strength. The other breaks you down.
High performers blur that line.
You push through, override the signs—because you're used to functioning under pressure.
But that quiet strain? It doesn’t go away. It becomes burnout—quiet, internal, invisible. And by the time it shows up in your body, your mood, and your relationships, you’re already deep in it.
When High Performance Becomes a Trap
You stay in situations that no longer serve you out of guilt. Because leaving feels like failure. Because discomfort feels familiar. Because you’ve trained yourself to tolerate pain and call it resilience.
It’s like the gym— there’s a difference between good pain and pain that signals damage.
But in work? We confuse endurance with health. We wear burnout like a badge. Especially in a city like New York.
I learned that the hard way.
When I finally left, it wasn’t because the stars aligned. It was messy, emotional, scary, and stressful.
But I was no longer okay, and I was done pretending.
The cost of staying was too high. My body felt it. My relationships felt it. My spirit felt it.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: Health isn’t just about what you eat, how you look, or how often you move. It’s how honest you are with yourself. It’s the energy you protect, the boundaries you hold, and the spaces where you feel safe to breathe. It’s not just physical—it’s emotional, mental, and relational.
When something costs you your peace, your presence, or your ability to show up as you, that’s not health.
That’s survival.
Let’s Talk About the Guilt
Maybe you’ve thought about leaving the job, scaling back, or finally setting a boundary, and then the guilt hits.
You tell yourself:
“Other people would kill for this role.”
“I should be grateful.”
“What if I’m just being difficult?”
Here’s the truth: Guilt is often a sign that you’re finally considering doing something for yourself, not because you’re selfish, but because you’re tired of ignoring what your body, your gut, and your spirit have been trying to tell you.
The guilt? It just shows how much you care about doing good work, about not letting people down, about being someone who shows up.
But you matter too.
It’s not wrong to want more alignment. It’s not weak to outgrow something. And it’s not selfish to choose your health over your hustle.
What I Learned When I Walked Away
You can be doing everything “right” and still feel wrong inside.
That gut feeling? Listen to it. Get to know the feeling.
Avoidance is a defense mechanism, not a solution. I wasn’t just tired. I was emotionally checked out. Convincing myself that it would get better kept me “safe”—but it also kept me stuck.
Being strong doesn’t mean pushing through everything. Sometimes, strength looks like setting a boundary, saying no, or walking away.
Your nervous system knows before you do. The sleepless nights, the irritability, the low energy, the constant fight-or-flight... those were my red flags. My body spoke before I did.
I’m thankful for the season that taught me what wasn’t meant for me. Grateful for the clarity that only comes from discomfort.
You don’t have to start your own business to feel free. This isn’t about that. But staying in misalignment while avoiding what you know needs to change? That’s not it either.
Here’s the Truth I Now Teach My Clients
Not taking action doesn’t keep you safe. It keeps you stuck.
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
And pretending something is working just because you can perform in it? That’s not a strength. That’s survival mode.
I teach my clients to challenge this: Stop defining health as just physical stamina or productivity. True health includes emotional clarity, nervous system regulation, aligned choices, and mental space.
Real strength is facing your life with radical honesty and asking:
Is this still serving me?
What am I pretending not to know?
Am I tolerating something because I’m afraid of starting over?
Am I calling it “security” when it’s really stagnation?
Because when you stop hiding from hard truths, everything shifts.
The Truth You’re Telling Yourself
You’re saying you don’t believe something better exists. That you don’t trust life, or yourself, to meet you in the unknown.
We’d never tell someone to stay in a relationship that drains them just because it’s familiar.
So why do we justify that with work?
If something feels misaligned, that’s not just discomfort—it might be a signal.
Set the same standards in your career that you do in your personal life.
You’re not “giving up” by walking away. You’re honoring your growth.
Because staying in the wrong job out of fear or familiarity sends a message—not just to others, but to yourself:
That you don’t believe something better exists. That you don’t trust yourself to handle the unknown.
But real alignment? Real health?
That’s when performance flows from who you are, not what you’re trying to prove.
That’s not surviving. That’s thriving..
Final Thought
It’s not that you don’t know what you want. It’s that change feels hard, and staying feels safer.
So we rationalize. We over-function. We wait for the “perfect” moment. But deep down, we know: Something’s off.
This isn’t about pushing you—it’s about inviting you to get honest. My goal in sharing this isn’t to tell you what to do.
It’s to remind you:
You’re allowed to outgrow things.
You’re allowed to choose yourself.
And change doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth it.
You deserve a life—and a career—that meets you where you are now. Not just where you started.
Let’s Keep Building: What’s Next for You
If this issue hit home, you’re not alone. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t knowing something needs to change—it’s giving yourself permission to take the next step.
Inside this community, over 3,000 high achievers and corporate teams have built mental resilience, reduced stress, developed sustainable habits, and learned how to set themselves up for success in all areas of their lives.
If any part of this spoke to you—if you're ready to redefine success and lead from a place of mental strength instead of survival—you're not alone.
I’m deeply grateful to have supported so many incredible individuals on their path to mental fitness. It’s an honor to witness your growth, breakthroughs, and the powerful ripple effect it creates in your lives, workplaces, and communities.
You deserve to feel fulfilled, not just functional. Let’s make thriving your new normal.
If this helped you, forward it to someone else who might be stuck in their own “not yet.” A small share can spark a big shift. In every issue, you’ll find tools, stories, and mindset strategies to help you navigate pressure, performance, and life’s pivotal moments.
Let’s Stay Connected! Follow me on Instagram @mentallyfitwithellin for daily mental fitness strategies, motivational insights, and behind-the-scenes moments. Have thoughts on this newsletter or questions about my services? Email me at ellin@mentallyfitwithellin.com—I’d love to hear from you!
U chi